eyes wide open

although tris and I get into our disagreements and arguments. ive been in the hospital since Monday, and my husband hasn't come to visit me once, not calling me too often. and I really feely like I am working for our marriage.
I don't know what to do at times.


thank God for mom. eventhough I don't always agree with her messages, I know her deepest intentions are the best for me and my family.


just today i have to say, was the first time i really thought that we may not be together forever.


i know that he is stressed out, as i am. it doesn't help when he speaks to me with negative tones.


just i don't feel any emotion from him over the phone. i don't hear him saying that he misses me so much.nothing. hes not perfect, neither am i.

Saved by chloe , September 12 night

Tristan went out with his work colleagues and came back late,I was getting tired and he came  to sleep in our bed which never happens unless you know… The next thing you know I hear Chloe coming  down the hall and it made me so happy LOL

First contract talk

So I finally womaned up and called Brian. I just had to let them know what I was planning and hopefully he can get the ball rolling so I can make this transition as smooth as possible I can get back to being the money making beast that I know I can be.

Surexdirect

This could be an opportunity of a lifetime. I am completely open and optimistic to all that I could bring to my life and my families. The gentleman I spoke to the other day named Matt is one of the co-owners of the business. We had a really great conversation and have me preliminary steps to meet next month. Based on his model of insurance and the companies he will be having I believe my income potential is exponentially possible.

Through my visualizations I believe this opportunity will allow me and my family to live the life of our dreams. And my mind this includes travel homes experiences. I believe my marriage will become stronger and closer and later. I believe that we will be able to share our opportunities with our closest friends and family.

I visualize going to work looking fabulous feeling fabulous and confident walking into my office happy and excited but the day completing and exceeding all my goals for the day having a wonderful relationship with my coworkers accelerating my career to its fullest potential getting financial freedom. Becoming financially responsible as well as enjoying life setting goals maximizing on lessons learned.

142.5

Feeling amazing, loving life. Paid my $200 registration for RPM training today. So it's officially on. I'm excited it's crazy but it's good it's all good. I'm proud of myself, and I am proudof the example I'm setting for my kids where it comes to fitness.

40 😳😳😳😳😳😳

A little more than six months to go. On one hand it's just another day on the other it's a rather big milestone. 

What's interesting is my 35th birthday and how much is change since then. I've moved got married had children. What a ride. All I can say is by the grace of God I've been able to make it so far and be blessed with the love around me.

I am looking forward to the rest of my life of course. My marriage raising  my children building my career.

What I want for this upcoming decade is to become debt-free, going vacation, create wealth, build our pensions, and stimulate our children and all ways.

145

This is the way but I'm sitting at give or take. It feels great however I would be lying if I didn't also say the hanging skin is bothering me especially on my thighs and stomach and my breasts. What is undeniable is my sex life has increased and I can't help with correlate that to my weight loss. Mom keeps on telling me I'm too skinny. It's flattering but I know the truth. I have also decided to pursue being an instructor at goodlife I think this could be really great for me.

Tristan and I are mostly good. of course there are little hick ups but I guess that's to be expected. Life is pretty great right now.

Chloe is really working me hard. I love it, it's challenging, and it just shows me how much work I have to do on myself when it comes to patience and building a strong relationship with her.

My Monroe is the greatest is just getting strong walking and starting to say words and listen to commands I am so happy with both my children.

The energy I want to send out to the universe is happiness wealth love and more love.

July 15

What a night! Chris and I decided to go out for dinner and I just rolled up some spliffs. I didn't totally need to bring them ended up happening so doesn't work out that when we enter into the mall entrance there is a ride program he can smell the weed from the car. I thought it was very reasonable and lenient that he just asked for what we had and let us go on our way. actually I believe that the grace of God we were able to get out of that situation safely without legal interaction.  It makes me cringe to think about what could've happened. License pensions, expensive lawyers, embarrassing explanations to parents. I will have my lesson. Officially. I will not go on the road and carry anything anymore I have two children I had to think about and a hard-working husband.

Best day ever

Planning for Monroe's birthday party has been a lot of work but totally worth it. Mom Thank God has come to stay. I don't know what I would do without her. Tristan and I got into it and having her around is a huge support system.

I love her so much I don't know what I would do without her and I can only hope that I can be to Chloe half of what she's been to me. Those kids love her so much that bond is so deep.

It's been a really long day getting everything together for the party and I've been in the garage smoking up a storm watching some reality TV and mom just came in to see what I was up to I gave her my spliff so she could take a puff and she actually did! LOL 

This is the greatest day ever I never thought she actually would do it but I am commence I can actually get her to sit down and maybe try for a couple of puffs at least! LOL wink wink

162ish

hey hey hey!!!

its really starting to happen now. hard work and dedication is aiding my transformation.

I'm really starting to get some regular compliments at the gym and by friends and family. it feels great.

I would say another 20 pounds may be what I need, but the reality is loose skin removal would help the cause.

not jealous or anything but mom is going in for her breast lift and tummy tuck next week. wow by summer she is going to look amaze balls!!

I do have to pat myself on the back, 2 kids in 2 years, after losing a bunch of weight wasn't easy to see my ever changing body. I know it was just hard to envision I would be where I stand today.

Annmarie put me on this new show called skintight. its amazing. all about people that have had significant weight loss and they have a bunch of excess skin to remove. in some cases they are taking of 20-30 pounds of just skin!!

I know I'm not that serious, but I'm sure there has got to be 10 pounds of skin they could take off of my thighs, stomach, maybe even remove the lap band. I notice that as I get smaller it becomes more exposed and I can feel and see it through my clothes sometimes.. not cute. and although tris hasn't really talked about it, I know I would ask about this object protruding from my stomach.

I have to just keep on going, don't let anyone or anyone dissuade my progress. I have about 4 more months until Monroe's birthday, and 1 more until mine, so I am excited to see where ill be at.

163.5

It's happening. The compliments are slowly increasing. That obviously is a confidence boost.

I actually achieved the above weight on Chloe's birthday. Just when I thought I plateaued. It just goes to show you have to persevere. Just when you think you aren't making progress you got to intensify the work.

Tris and I have been getting at each other in the last couple of days. Not fun.

The big baptism and birthday party is tomorrow. I have to put on my hostess hat. I think the attendance may start some drama.

Days like this

Those times when I just want to strangle him, or criticize him for doing something annoying and then days like this happen. It's cold outside, it's early, and it's a Saturday. My man is out there making a living for us. Also help fixing my fuck up. Today really made me open my eyes and see it times I take for granted the fact that he goes out on the weekend, because he does really have to.

I think it this point I've pretty much embrace he is going to let me have it periodically over the next 2 1/2 years. I feel like I can make sure things are getting done around here for example: shutters, shed, barbecue then  I think he would be OK. I'm trying to be limited with the cash at the same time I don't want him to feel completely deprived. That's why it's so important to me that he gets a gym membership so he can work out and get his frustrations out. I wouldn't mind looking into it it's cheaper than Good life. I'll have to see. 

171

I guess I can see that I feel good. I am starting to feel differently in my clothes. I love getting compliments from random people on my progress. I also want Tristan to get his gym membership quickly so that he doesn't resent the fact that I'm able to go as often as I do. I am working on my eating habits and trying to cut down on the sweets. It does go hand-in-hand with my habit so I'm going to have to come to some compromise.

I am about 20 pounds away from how much I was when I met Tristan. I would like to see if I could get to 135 and live that way but I am also prepared if my body doesn't receive that weight well.

I would like to meet some people at the gym, but I am so shy. I want to overcome that.

I'm going to start to take truces advice more this year and come with solutions instead of talking about problems.

Tomorrow I start running at 5.7! Very excited.

174

New year, new goals

January 2017 I would like to be 135 - 140.

I would like to look into teaching body pump or body combat.

I would like to run in at least 3 organized runs.

Eat a salad at least 4 days a week.

Eat a fruit a day

Use frozen fruit.

Invest in some protein powder.

Conquer burpees.

Drink 2 litres of water a day.

No fast food restaurants. No pop tarts. No pie. No cashews.

Get a consultation with Ann's doctor for breast lift by ohip.

Update workout wardrobe.

Take photos of progress.

Do a combo of: planks,sit ups, lunges, push ups before bed or when you wake up.

Look into ways to get tummy tuck paid for.

Make friends at the gym. Make eye contact. Be approachable.

Go to trampoline park with Novlette.